I have said these things to you, that in Me you may have peace.  In the world you will have tribulation.  But take heart; I have overcome the world.

John 16:33

exhaustion

one of the most crippling things about rheumatoid arthritis is actually not the pain and stiffness; it's the extreme fatigue.  it hits me throughout the day, but most consistently in the evening.  I have napped more since diagnosis than in my entire life prior to.  I can't sit down on the couch at the end of the day without nodding off, sometimes for more than an hour.  now I like a nap as much as the next guy, but it's starting to get annoying.  my muscles ache to lie down, my eye lids are constantly heavy, and I feel utterly useless.  and the nap does not clear these symptoms, but makes them worse.  I wake up feeling groggy and even more useless.  I'm exhausted.  this is a side effect of the medication, namely the Methotrexate, but it is also simply a symptom of rheumatoid arthritis.  it comes with the territory and it's going to be lifelong, just like my disease.

the more I think about this exhaustion, the more my mind is brought away from my arthritis and to other areas of my life.  the truth is, there are far more exhausting things weighing on my mind from day to day.  this fallen world provides many opportunities for pain, grief, sadness, hardships, brokenness... it's just plain exhausting.

back to the arthritis for a second.  yes, my body is physically exhausted, but the mental and emotional exhaustion trumps that.  the what-ifs, the frustration with the changes in my abilities and appearance, the different treatments and medication trials, the grief of things lost.  I'm exhausted.

but there's more, of course.  my family is hurting so deeply, my friends struggle with various trials, dreams go unrealized, plans and promises are broken, and I'm haunted by sin that seems more pervasive by the day.  I'm exhausted.  we're all exhausted.

but there is rest for the weary.  there are promises to cling to!

Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. 

Isaiah 40:30-31

For I will satisfy the weary soul, and every languishing soul I will replenish.

Jeremiah 31:25

O God, you are my God; earnestly I see you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.  So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory.  Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.  So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands.

Psalm 63:1-4

in times of weariness, I will turn my eyes to the Lord and receive His promised strength, replenishment, and love. 

grumbling

read a devotional this morning on the Desiring God blog about sins that are common temptations to humans.  the devotional reflected on 1 Corinthians 10:13 which reads, "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."  the particular tempting sins that are being referred to in this passage are grumbling and sexual immorality.  God knows I love to grumble.  I grumble about being tired, my health, homework, money, to-do lists, living so far from my family, the hot weather... the list goes on and on.  

it is certainly tempting to me to grumble and complain!  this particular sin shows my false assumption that this world is my little kingdom and everything should go my way.  it's all about me and mine.  what I want, what I think should happen, what I deserve.  but the reality is that this world belongs to my God.  and thank Him for that.  He is in control and He is sovereign and He is faithful.  how quickly I forget

with each temptation is a promise.  if you turn to God's Holy Word, you will read loads of amazing and jaw-dropping promises.  for example, when I am tempted to grumble and complain, I must remember these promises: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6).  "And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:19).

when all I want to do is grumble, my focus and attention is on me, not on the almighty God who cares for me and promises to direct my paths and supply my every need.  He is truly an amazing Father.