RA is a difficult thing for anyone. not only the person with the disease, but also those in the RA patient's life. I've heard a fair share of offensive and hurtful things regarding my diagnosis, mostly people just not being educated and knowing appropriate ways to address the subject with me. but I have also been asked some of the most thoughtful questions and have been supported in really beautiful ways. so here's a little list I made. maybe someone will read this and be better able to support the person with RA in their life.
how's your health? - this is great because it acknowledges the fact that RA is a health issue, not just a weakness issue or something that will clear up. a person with RA has a lot going on health-wise (medications, struggles, victories, treatment options, frustrations), so you may get a really detailed answer, or a short and simple one. but rest assured, it feels great to have someone care enough to ask.
you look great. - well this may sound shallow, but it's such a wonderful compliment for someone with RA (or anyone, for that matter!). RA makes you feel really ugly sometimes. red/purple, giant, painful joints for one. I can no longer wear any rings other than my engagement ring and wedding band because of the size of my knuckles, but I wouldn't want to draw attention to my hands anyways. my fingers are kinda nasty, even with well treated RA. then there's the weight gain from the meds and a lessened ability to work out, poofy face from the steroids, bad skin from the meds and increased sensitivity to meds, random hair growth - yeah, RA and the pills we pop because of it are pretty messed up. being told that I'm looking better than I feel is a huge morale booster. keep it coming, I don't care how shallow it sounds.
this must be very difficult. - yes! it is! thank you for acknowledging it. I understand that RA is extremely hard to understand unless you have it, but let me tell you - it's really, really difficult. life with RA is hard, emotional, frustrating, confusing.
how are you holding up? - thanks for being so thoughtful. sorry if I cry when you ask me.
anything I can do to help? - on second thought, maybe you should ask my husband this, because he's the one listening to me whine and worry, going to doctor's appointments with me, paying for my meds, buying me expensive shoes because I need lots of support and cushion when I walk, opening ziplock bags and jars for me, and much MUCH more.
go and support the ones you love! healthy or ill, we all need love, encouragement, and a helping hand.
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